A SLAP ON TITAN 04: Stranger Danger

A SLAP ON TITAN 04: Stranger Danger

“Jean.“ “Is a smarmy douchebag whose very voice exudes a cock-teasery of the highest offense.” “Has an obsession with lubricating his gear.“ “Probably born out of some situation involving sexual impotence in a nursing home.” “He also has delusions of running the government.” “But couldn’t run a sweatshop if he had thirty filippinos and a metric fuckton of Adderall.” “Marco.” “If Jean was bad, well then here’s Marco.” “The two go hand in hand like sobbing kids and alcohol abuse” “This particular assclown has delusions of being god himself.” “Fancies himself a leader and resolves conflict with cornbread, pattycake bullshit, that makes me pop a rage boner simply out of spite.” “Sometimes I beat him just to listen to him cry.” “Where’s your god now, you freckled fuck?” “Where’s your god now?!” “Annie.” “A quiet, stupid bitch.” “Sasha.” “A bumble-fucking, potato-loving, feral dipshit that can’t follow a single order.” “Talks to trees.” “Have tried multiple times to kill her by leaving her miles away in the woods.” “The wolves keep dragging her broken and scared body back to camp.” “Almost as if they don’t want her.” “Connie.” “An angry, mean, pissed off, little chihuahua.” “Watching him maneuver around corners is like watching a foul, determined little rat running through a maze.” “Seriously. Just look at him. The mere sight of him is enough to piss me off.” “Eren.” “A complete and total fuck-up but unique in his own, personal brand of failure.” “If his sister wasn’t around to egg him on he’d be useless. As it stands he’s a hair above useless.” “Mikasa.” “A tactical genius unlike any other our empire has ever seen.” “In all my years I have dreamt of having a star pupil like her.” “Someone who can lead, obey and destroy with unparalleled superiority.” “She is truly mankind’s hero a saviour even.” “But she’s a woman. Bad form.” “Reiner.” “A retarded mongoloid fuck-up of epic proportions.” “I’m 95% sure he is actually a cross between a gorilla and pure, concentrated ignorance!” “And last but not least.” “Armin.” “This child is the ultimate combination of human sin.” “He is the most terrifying creature I have ever met, seriously this kid is fucked.” “Something is horribly, horribly wrong with him.” “How someone could have loved something so twisted, so foul, so utterly fucked up beyond repair is beyond me.” “On the plus side he is intelligent.” “But seriously, fuck that kid.” [Reiner]
“That was totally alpha.” [Eren]
“I don’t get why we have to practice these anti-shank techniques.” “I mean, I get that one day we might be in prison and taking a shower and suddenly need these skills, but how will this help us kill titans?” [Reiner]
“Bro.” “Cause like, uh,..” “What if you’re in prison and uh…” “Titans.” “Whoa.” [Eren]
“Reiner, you really need to slow down on the drugs man.” [Reiner]
“It’s like, weed or life, Eren.” [Eren]
“I’m seriously worried about you.” “Your heart stopped yesterday and you were just reciting the alphabet.” [Reiner]
“Fucking roids man.” “No pain, no gain.” “Hey Eren, look.” “Let’s tag that.” “Hey slut!” “I hope you’ve got a valid locomotive operator’s license.” “Cause you’re about to get a train run on you.” “Come on, Eren! Bag this chick.” “Poundtown.” [Eren]
“I’m still not clear on the concept of poundtown.” [Reiner]
“You’ve got this bro.” [Eren]
“Alright, Annie. Here I come!” “HOLY FUCK!” “Oh my god, what the fuck, Annie?!” “You kicked me in– Agghh, ow, what the fuck, Annie?!” “Aah, you literally shattered my pelvis.” [Reiner]
“What the hell, bitch?” “You sterilized Jeagermeister!” “You didn’t even finish the job.” [Eren]
“No, Reiner, don’t tell her!” “My testicles feel like they’ve been pasteurized.” “How could a loving god allow such cruelty?” “I feel like I’ve just endured the Holocaust.” “Call Kofi Annan cause you’ve just committed a war crime against my manhood.” [Annie]
“Your turn you roid-chomping orangutan!” [Reiner]
“Eh, nah I’m good.” [Eren]
“Come on Reiner.” “Poundtown!” [Reiner]
“Fucking Yeager. Always so righteous.” “Alright! Bros over Hoes!” “Dammit Yeager. That was amazing.” [Eren]
“You just viciously crippled two people, and you still look bored.” “How do you do it?” [Annie]
“As a baby I was abandoned in the forest and left to die.” “I was raised by woodland critters until the age of six.” “When a drunken master found me and raised me as his daughter.” “He taught me how to fight and kill until one night…” [Annie’s master]
“And now comes the last part of your training.” “In which I abandon you so you can become a bitter, hateful woman.” “Just like my master did to me.” [Young Annie]
“But Sensei, you promised never to leave me!” [Annie’s master]
“Yes! So you can become more hateful than I ever was!” [Young Annie]
“No! Nooooo!” [Annie’s master]
“And then he left.” “And now I kick men in the balls.” [Eren]
“Wow.” “That’s really fucked up, but what I meant to ask was, how do you do all that and still look bored?” [Annie]
“Looking apathetic makes me sexy.” “Pop culture says so.” [Eren]
“Pop culture is retarded.” “And you should know, apathy is not sexy, it’s passion and confidence that make you stand out.” [Annie]
“I’m passionately, confidently apathetic.” [Eren]
“There’s no such thing!” [Annie]
“I AM SEXY!” [Eren]
“Yeah, probably. If you wiped the look of fake shit-smell of your face.” [Annie]
“You chauvinistic pig!” [Eren]
“No, that’s Reiner.” [Reiner]
“Slut.” [Eren]
“I’m just saying you’d get a lot farther with guys, also if you didn’t kick them in the dick.” [Annie]
“You women-hater! I shall take revenge FOR APATHY!” [Eren]
“It’s- It’s equally applicable to men too. Jesus.” [Annie]
“Men with struggles. I like that in a guy.” [Eren]
“No, you like passion! Specifically the passion I have not to die!” [Annie]
“Whatever. I have no more time for you fools. I’m going to go off now and concentrate on my anger.” [Eren]
“Holy shit, she needs counseling.” [Guy]
“Hey Armin, I heard you got caught sneaking into the girls dormitory again. You getting something we aren’t?” [Armin]
“No, you don’t get it. It’s not anything sexual at all. “I just like watching the soft way they breath in their sleep while hidden in the dark shadows.” [Reiner]
“Squirt some of that in my mouth, bro. All the fruit is at the bottom, so just, like, shake it a bit man.” [Jean]
“-and that’s how you make it in the military police.” [Guy 2]
“You make it sound so easy.” [Jean]
“Well, it requires a talented man.” “Talented in more ways than one.” [Marco]
“Boy howdy, the military police. Wouldn’t that be wonderful?” “I could finally spread my message of peace through the populus, and solve human conflict.” [Jean]
“Drop that bullshit, Marco! I know what you want.” “You want the same things I want.” “Money, power, respect, vaguely oriental women named Mikasa.” “Stick with me, Marco, and my empire will provide it all.” “We’re gonna live the soft and easy life.” [Eren]
“Hey, Jean.” “You don’t need to go to the capitol to live the soft and easy life.” [Jean]
“What do you mean?” [Eren]
“Considering how much you lube up your gear, I’d say you’re already living the soft and easy life.” [Laughing] [Eren]
“But it’s no worries, at least you’ve got your suit vest.” [Jean]
“At least I’m not an asshole to my women.” “If I had my own china-doll I’d let her hair grow out as long as she likes.” [Suit Vest]
“He’s got, Yellow fever~” [Eren]
“Dumbass, dolls can’t grow hair.” “Wait, were you referring to Mikasa?” [Jean]
“Duh!” [Eren]
“You fuzzy fucker!” [Jean]
“You titan lover!” [Mikasa]
“Calm the fuck down.” [Jean]
“You son of a bitch!” [Eren]
“What the hell?!” [Jean]
“Screw you Eren! I am the 1%!” [Eren]
“You Stupid-” [Eren, thinking]
“Wait! Jean wants to screw my sister.” “It all makes sense now!” “Why he’s a douchebag to me!” “Why he’s a douchebag in general.” [Reiner, in thoughts]
“Poundtown.” [Annie, in thoughts]
“You women-hater!” [Eren, thinking]
“That’s it! I’ll use Annie’s hateful techniques to handle this situation.” [Annie]
“Why am I aroused?” [Jean]
“Aaarggh, what the hell was that?” [Eren]
“That’s the martial arts I went through a whirl of pain to learn!” “That’s right Jean, I AM the broken pelvis master.” “And as long as I live, you’re not going anywhere near my sister.” [Door creaking] [Intimidating music] [Narrator]
“Emboldened by Eren’s display the cadets trained harder than ever.” “They fought, they bled and they struggled.” “And suddenly, before they knew it, the night of graduation was upon them.” [Sarge]
“Salute!” “You came to us as failures and degenerates.” “After training for 3 years and sacrificing it all, you are still failures and degenerates.” “Fuck every single one of you.” “Tomorrow you’ll make the decision that you’ll regret for the rest of your lives.” “You have three choices:” “Do you join the Garrison protecting the towns and reinforcing the walls?” “Well just look at that badge.” “If you like homoerotic fanfic and masonry consider this your new home.” “Next, we have the Survey Corps.” “Where the remnants of your very short lives will be composed of pants shitting terror.” “Sign on up and get eaten by a fucking titan.” “And finally we have the Military Police.” “Now I know each and every one of you wants to get in there.” “Not because it’s the easy life.” “But because you fairy fuck, pixie dust cupcakes love the idea of a goddamn unicorn being your mascot.” “Seriously! Look at that.” “That shit is gayer than a christmas born in rainbow.” “The horn symbolizes the raging hard-ons you’ll be having, when you realize that breakfast begins with a nice round of cockslap in the commutal hot tub.” “You cockhungry buffaloes are gonna love it in there.” “But I get the last laugh, because only the top ten shitpiles get the priviledge.” “The rest of you are gonna have to be contempt with sucking your own dicks.” “And now, we present the best shitpiles in the 104th” [Jean]
“I ranked behind Eren?!” [Eren]
“I ranked behind Mikasa?!” [Armin]
“I ranked behind everyone!” [Crowd]
“Cheers!” “We did it!” “Now we can receive food like normal people!” [Jean]
“Fuck you, Eren. You… shit.” [Suit vest]
“I love you Jean.” [Jean]
“Shut up, Suit vest.” “This is all your fault.” “You told me I’d score number one.” [Suit vest]
“Let’s go dancing Jean!” [Jean]
“No! We’re not dancing.” [Suit vest]
“Keep drinking Jean. I want to take advantage of you.” [Eren]
“I can’t wait to get out there and kill the titans! I can’t wait to lead the scouting legion.” [Thomas]
“But Eren, Mikasa’s so much better than–” “I-I mean– I mean that–” [Eren]
“I know what you mean. And yeah she scored number one.“ “But scores aren’t everything when it comes to facing titans.” “The last time I saw one I handled it better.” [Mikasa]
“No, actually, you cried.” [Eren]
“No I didn’t Mikasa! Gosh!” [Mikasa]
“Aw, what you doing, Eren? Crying like a little bitch?” [Eren]
“No…” [Mikasa]
“Look, I’m just teasing. Here, sibling hug.” [Eren]
“Ok…” [Armin]
“So, I’ve given it a lot of thought.” “And I’m joining the Survey Corps.” [Eren]
“What? Why? Armin seriously, you suck at everything, you’ll die there.” [Armin]
“I know.” [Eren]
“You’re gonna get slaughtered on the first mission.” [Armin]
“I know.” [Eren]
“With your tactical brilliance you could become a general in the Garrison.” [Armin]
“I know.” [Eren]
“So why the hell are you coming with me to the Survey Corps?” [Armin]
“I want to see death.” [Mikasa]
“I’m joining the Survey Corps too.” [Eren]
“Of course you are.” [Mikasa]
“Seriously Eren, you’ll die on the first mission without me.” [Eren]
“So you’re gonna be there to mock me at every step?” [Mikasa]
“No, I’ll be there because I don’t wanna lose you.” [Eren]
“Wow, look at that.” [Armin]
“Eren, do you ever wish that humans could photosynthesize?“ [Eren]
“What? No.“ [Armin]
“I do. I think it’d be cool to be a plant.” [Cheering] [Crowd]
“We now support you but we’re still ignorant.” “Yeah! Kick some ass for me commander Erwin!” “Look it’s Levi, humanity’s badass!” “Levi you’re so awesome, marry me!” [Levi]
“Shut the fuck up.” [Eren]
“Wow, this is totally different. The ignorant masses are now supportive.” [Hannah]
“It’s because humanity’s fucked.” [Franz]
“Right Hannah. Luckily we’ve come in time to spread the hippy message.” “We’ll defeat them through the power of love, not even the titans can match that.” [Hannah]
“Right!” [Eren]
“You seriously believe that? You stupid couple!” [Franz]
“Eren, don’t call us a couple. We only bang on weekends.” [Eren]
“First of, you’re in love with a ginger. You might as well be sleeping with the enemy.” [Hannes]
“Eeey, did I just hear someone call for a ginger?” [Eren]
“Hannes, what the fuck? You’re still alive?” “God damn it I was so hoping you would have been claimed by cirrhosis.” [Hannes]
“Hey now, that’s no way to talk to your father–” [Eren]
“POTENTIAL father!” [Hannes]
“Right, potential. On your graduation day. I’ve come to see you off.” [Eren]
“Really? Or were you just drunkenly stumbling about and accidentally ran into us?” [Hannes]
“That’s… no way… to talk to your fath—” [Eren]
“POTENTIAL!” [Hannes]
“Potent–” [Burp] “I love you Eren.” [Eren]
“Well I hate you. I hate you so much.” “You make me sick!” [Guard]
“Wow, he really is as bitch made as you say. [Hannes]
“Yep.” [Connie]
“Dude I don’t know. Sasha is some crazy shit, man.” “Did I tell you she once blew me for a potato?” [Eren]
“No way!” [Connie]
“Yeah man. It wasn’t even cooked!” [All]
“Oh hai, Sasha. How are you?” [Sasha]
“You guys will not believe what I did for this meat.” [Gasps] [Crowd]
“No Sasha don’t tell us.” “Sterilize her, she’s infected!” [Sasha]
“I had to bend my body, in ways, I didn’t think possible to get this thick, juicy sausage.” [Crowd]
“We’ve got to murder her.” “Sasha Stop!” “Purge the sin!” [Sasha]
“What guys? I snuck into the kitchen window and stole it.” [Soldier]
“Oh, well that’s not so bad.” “Can we have some?” [Sasha]
“Sure” [Eren]
“Look at me, I’m finally a man.” “Screw Mikasa, Hannes, and Armin too, just cause.” “I’m the protector of this city. It’s watchful guardian. The dark–” [Colossal Titan singing] [Eren]
“Ahm, nope!” [Screams] [Connie ranting in spanish] [Soldier]
“Connie, shut the fuck up!” [Sasha]
“Samuel, I’ll catch you!” [Samuel]
“Ah, holy fuck!” “You just harpooned my leg like a beluga whale.” [Sasha]
“Samuel I’m so sorry.” [Samuel]
“Call me Ishmael!” [Eren]
“Everyone shut up! The colossal titan is here! We can’t let him escape.” “Shit. This is my chance. I can’t fail now.” [Colossal Titan singing] “Hello you giant douchebag.” [Colossal Titan]
“Bitch, Nigga, you best not be talking to me.” [Eren]
“I’ve been waiting for this.” [Colossal Titan]
“Nigga, I’m finna go Tarzan on your ass.”

100 thoughts on “A SLAP ON TITAN 04: Stranger Danger

  1. jean: a smarmy douchebag who has an obsession with lubricating his gear, probably born of some situation involving some sort of sexual imputence in a nursing home. Has visions of running the government, but couldn't run a sweatshop if he have thirty phillipinos and a metric f*ck-ton of adderal.

  2. Armin: I'm rank behind everyone!
    -Don't you guys dare to forget that or i'll come to your house and give you some candies.

  3. I just came to the realization that the reason eren hear annie and reiners thoughts is because he can hear the titans thoughts.๐Ÿ˜‚

  4. โ€œItโ€™d be cool to be a plantโ€ the most normal thing heโ€™s said this entire web series

  5. Okay so this was probably in the original anime but can we talk about how hannes has the Scouting Legion emblem instead of the Garrisonโ€™s Roses? 15:09

  6. Shadis describing Armin is how my eldest brother describes his twin.
    I love my siblings.
    edit: Armin, I'm pretty sure you need chloroplasts to photosynthesize. That is also what makes the plant green. DO YOU WANNA BE GREEN ARMIN

  7. Why do they pronounce mikasa name like that I can't take them seriously ๐Ÿ˜‚ but I guess that's the point

  8. Sometimes i beat him just to listen him cry Where are your gods now…. Where are your godddsss now..
    Annie a quiet stupid bitch ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

  9. Keith: Insults literally everyone

    –> "In all my years I have dReAmT of having a star pupil like her!"

  10. It would be cool to be a plant, Armin. Some nice leaves for tea.

    Jesus christ my friend just now:
    Friend: do you wanna be tea so that Levi will drink you?


  11. 5:00 minutes in the whole Annie scene show up. That pisses me off because I can see a kick coming from a mile away, also it doesn't look hard to counter or dodge

  12. Hey watcha doin Eren, Cryin like I little bitch, look Iโ€™m just teasing, here sibling hug. Okay

    xD xD xD

  13. Did anyone notice when Hannes walks up to Erin in the scene where the ignorant masses were supportive, Hannesโ€™ was not garrison and instead Recon corps?

  14. Wait. WHAT?!?

    How the hell can Tom Andre voice Armin and Levi?! Thsy sound so different….. majes sense why i love their voices…. and Mikasa's…

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