Alpha Chow | Infomercials | Adult Swim

Alpha Chow | Infomercials | Adult Swim


>>Announcer: THE FOLLOWING IS A PAID ADVERTISEMENT FOR ALPHA DOG REVOLUTION. THREE YEARS AGO, FITNESS EXPERT KENT ROSS BECAME DOG’S BEST FRIEND WHEN HE TRANSFORMED THE KIBBLE INDUSTRY WITH ALPHA DOG CHOW. THEN HE CHANGED THE GAME AGAIN WITH THE ALPHA DOG TOTAL NUTRITION SYSTEM AND THE ALPHA WAVE COLLAR. OVER 6 MILLION DOG OWNERS HAVE GIVEN THEIR DOGS LONGER, STRONGER, HAPPIER LIVES, AND YOU CAN, TOO! NOW THE MAN LEADING THE CHARGE, KENT ROSS! I’M KENT ROSS, AND, YES, YOU HEARD THAT RIGHT — 6 MILLION DOG OWNERS FROM ACROSS THE GLOBE HAVE ALREADY TURNED THEIR FAVORITE POOCHES INTO ALPHA DOGS. THE WHOLE WORLD IS GOING TO THE DOGS. NOW, SOMETIMES PEOPLE ASK ME, “KENT, WHAT IF THE MOVEMENT HAS ALREADY PASSED ME BY? WHAT IF IT’S TOO LATE FOR MY DOG TO CATCH UP TO THE PACK?” WELL, I’M HERE TO TELL YOU IT’S NOT TOO LATE. I’D LIKE TO WELCOME SOME SPECIAL GUESTS.>>COME ON. HEY. I’M BRIAN.>>AND THIS MUST BE JIMBO.>>YEAH, THAT’S RIGHT. JIMBO IS A 6-YEAR-OLD MUTT. HE’S GOT A LITTLE BIT OF EVERYTHING IN HIM.>>THE ALPHA DOG REVOLUTION IS THE SAME FANTASTIC PRODUCTS AS BEFORE, BUT NOW THEY WORK EVEN FASTER. TO DEMONSTRATE, ALPHIE’S GONNA TAKE JIMBO BACKSTAGE AND START HIM ON HIS FIRST REGIMEN OF ALPHA DOG. BY THE END OF THE SHOW, YOU’LL ALREADY START TO SEE A DIFFERENCE. THERE’S NEVER BEEN A BETTER TIME TO JOIN THE REVOLUTION!>>Announcer: ALPHA DOG CHOW IS THE ONLY DOG FOOD PROVEN TO HELP DOGS LOSE WEIGHT, LOWER BLOOD PRESSURE, IMPROVE SEX DRIVE, PROMOTE MUSCLE AND ORGAN GROWTH, AND ENHANCE PAW DIGITATION!>>FIVE YEARS AGO, I WAS A PERSONAL TRAINER AT ONE OF SANTA CRUZ’S PREMIER HEALTH CLUBS. I WAS NEVER HOME, HELPING HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE LIVE FULLER, HEALTHIER, LIVES… AND I WAS LITERALLY KILLING MY DOG. THIS WAS DUMPER. HE WAS OVERWEIGHT, UNDERNOURISHED, AND STARING DOWN THE BARREL OF A GUN CALLED “CANINE HIP DYSPLASIA.” THAT’S WHEN I DECIDED TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT, AND NOT JUST FOR DUMPER — FOR ALL DOGS. I COMBINED THE LATEST IN MODERN TECHNOLOGY WITH RESEARCH FROM THE BEST EUROPEAN SCIENTISTS OF THE 1930s, AND ALPHA DOG CHOW WAS BORN.>>THE ’30s?>>THIS IS DUMPER AFTER ONLY SIX WEEKS ON ALPHA DOG. DUMPER HAD SLIMMED DOWN, BUT I STILL WANTED MORE FOR HIM. THAT’S WHY I DEVELOPED THE ALPHA DOG TOTAL NUTRITION SYSTEM TO TURN YOUR JACK RUSSELL INTO A JACKED RUSSELL. THIS WAS DUMPER AFTER JUST FOUR WEEKS.>>UGH!>>NOTICE THE MUSCLE DEFINITION. THIS ISN’T PHOTOSHOP. THIS IS TNS. THIS IS DUMPER AFTER EIGHT WEEKS. CHECK OUT ALL THAT NEW MUSCLE.>>JIMBO’S NOT GONNA LOOK LIKE THAT, IS HE?>>NO. HE’LL LOOK BETTER! IF YOU WANT YOUR DOG TO LEAD THE PACK, HE’S GONNA NEED A SIX-PACK.>>Announcer: THE TOTAL NUTRITION SYSTEM COMES COMPLETE WITH TRANSDERMAL GEL FOR TARGETING, POWER SHOTS FOR TONING, AND TestosterBones FOR TAPERING OFF. THE EXTRA HORMONES MEAN NO MORE CRAVINGS, NO MORE MOOD SWINGS, AND SAY BYE-BYE TO CANINE BACNE!>>YOU REMEMBER DUMPER BEFORE. HE WAS WEAK AND FAT. HE GROVELED FOR SCRAPS AND WALKED ON FOUR LEGS. BUT THANKS TO ALPHA DOG, THIS…>>[ GASPS ]>>…IS DUMPER NOW!>>OHH! WHAT THE HELL’S WRONG WITH YOUR DOG, MAN?!>>OH, THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH MY…DOGMAN.>>OHH.>>LOOK AT THE BULGING BIS, THE RIPPLING TRIS. YOU SEE THE PECTORALS, BRIAN? SO PERFECT, SO CUT. GAZE UPON THE FUTURE MADE FLESH! GAZE UPON THE HERALD OF A NEW AGE! GAZE UPON THIS TESTIMONIAL!>>Announcer: THE ALPHA WAVE COLLAR IS 100% NATURAL, USING MAGNETS, CRYSTALS, AND OTHER ANCIENT HOMEOPATHIC TECHNIQUES WHILE A NEEDLE INJECTS THE TIME-RELEASED FORMULA OF AMINO ACIDS STRAIGHT INTO THE BRAIN STEM!>>I TH– I THOUGHT THIS WAS A COMMERCIAL FOR DOG FOOD!>>WEREN’T YOU PAYING ATTENTION? THIS IS THE REVOLUTION. JOIN US, BRAIN. JIMBO ALREADY HAS.>>OH. OH, NO! OH, GOD, NO! IS THAT JIMBO? WHAT’S GOING — WHO IS THAT? WHERE’S JIMBO?>>JIMBO’S RIGHT HERE.>>[ GROWLS, SNARLS ]>>AAH! OH, MY GOD!>>DO YOU LIKE WHAT WE’VE DONE WITH HIM? HE’S STILL THE SAME DOG YOU KNEW. WE JUST UNLOCKED HIS POTENTIAL. AS FOR THIS MAN, HE’S THE ACTUAL CREATOR OF ALPHA CHOW. IN THE REAL STORY OF DUMPER’S STRUGGLE, HE WAS THE MASTER AND I WAS DUMPER.>>I DON’T UNDERSTAND! ALPHA DOG TURNS DOGS INTO HUMANS?>>NO — MORE THAN HUMANS. I AM THE ALPHA DOG OMEGA! [ GRUNTS ] AHH! DON’T YOU KNOW WHAT “DOG” IS BACKWARDS?>>PLEASE, DON’T HURT ME.>>WE WON’T HURT YOU. WE’LL TREAT YOU JUST THE SAME WAY YOU TREATED US. WE’LL GIVE YOU LOTS OF WALKIES AND TREATS. MAN IS DOG’S BEST FRIEND.>>[ GROANING ]>>AHH.>>[ GRUNTING ]>>WHAT’S THE MATTER, BRIAN? A DOG’S MOUTH IS CLEANER THAN A HUMAN’S.>>NO! PLEASE! HELP ME! P-PLEASE, HELP ME! OH, GOD! AAH!>>[ Demonic voice ] OPERATORS ARE STANDING BY. [ MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYING ]

100 thoughts on “Alpha Chow | Infomercials | Adult Swim

  1. The worst adult swim yet, still very good.
    That dog was woke and lit, but needs more aggression and competitiveness.
    Could it make my chihuahua into a chiWOWwow?
    Shitzu into a ShitzONu?
    Malamute…Malamutant
    Great Dane… Greater Dane
    Yorkie …. Yolkee
    Boxer… …Boxer
    Pit Bull… Fit bull
    Greyhound… Greathound
    Min Pin… Max Pin
    Etc

  2. Pussies. With all the wrong things needing rightened, what do "men" do? This. This is what they do. My neighbors are bitches who suck dick for bill money.

  3. This video has actually scarred me…one morning I woke up around 3 am or so and it was right when everything started growing downhill….I was about 8 I was disoriented, scared, confused, but most importantly very concerned…little did I know this was a joke infomercials from adult swim…..I thought it was real I was very concerned after years I finally came across this commercial again an all the emotion from before came and now I'm just as concerned for humanity

  4. This isn't very funny 😬
    I guess it's hard to be funny in current year since you gotta walk on fucking eggshells

  5. Dude it's Thad from Blue Mountain State. I always thought he would be the next comedic action actor like Ryan Reynolds.

  6. I can't take back these last 5 minutes, I don't know what I watched, why I watched it, I'm just gonna wake tomorrow and go on about my life like it never happend.

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