Americans Don’t Understand English – The Jonathan Ross Show

Americans Don’t Understand English – The Jonathan Ross Show


the thing about Americans that I’ve thought about the languages that they speak they say they speak English but they had to change it to make them understand it more go with me on this because I’ve thought it through they’ve changed some of the words so they’ve taken the English language but they’ve looked at some of it and they thought no no I think we need a little bit more explanation here okay that’s my American accent so things like pavement so they can’t work work with pavement so they’ve changed it to sidewalk they needed more information they needed to know where they were going to be walking so they wouldn’t get run over so that’s in I didn’t think of I hate mint sidewalks I think there must been a period of time where they ran with the word pavement but they kept getting hit by cars so they changed it to sidewalk now bear with me here John because I’ve thought this through been the word for bin in American waste paper basket they needed to know what not only what to put in it then you didn’t know that not only it was paper but waste paper and then it goes into a basket it’s not just any paper they kept throwing away fresh paper for a period introduce the word waste paper back in fact they need instructions glasses for your eyes they call them eyeglasses they need to know where to put them on their face because they used to have glasses and they would put them on their thighs feet and they would say I can’t see any better with the glasses no there are verses well why don’t you call them our closest there’s a game called squash that you heard of it yes not in America racquetball they need it’s a juicer they needed to know what they were going to be playing with a racquetball and even then they get confused because there’s no court they don’t know where to go they just wander through the street going I want to play racquetball I want to move so probably glad to change that but my favorite one without a shadow is horse riding you know what horse riding is in America it is not called horse riding do horseback riding to specify because there was a period of time when they didn’t call it away they go they had with him used to hold on to the tail horses in Europe that’s a whole different thing you’re doing that anybody’s watching the show who may have been flicking your channels it’s not a moment this was a story about America of descriptive words I’ve never been in the mile-high club hey why are you waiting for come on we know the answer but uh who was the closest to him in the bang I think when were in the banjee maybe maybe it was me um and you know I think we all kind of noticed that he wasn’t thoroughly enjoying it and we were and you know it’s it’s it can be an intense job at times and I think it got a little bit too much room and he wanted to be in a different place and that’s fair enough

100 thoughts on “Americans Don’t Understand English – The Jonathan Ross Show

  1. As an American almost everything was dead on honestly. 😂😂 Except eye glasses, I've never heard anyone say eye glasses lol As well as waste paper basket, what? I've heard bin, trash can, and garbage pale. Lol

  2. 🤣 Pavement is anything paved. "I see there's pavement in the playground now." Sidewalk is just logical. It's beside the road and you walk on it. Most people don't call it a waste paper basket, more likely to call it a garbage can. Bin is a receptacle, "Please get me the large, white bin to store this flour". Glasses are to drink out of, eyeglasses are to see out of and the word eye differentiates them from sunglasses. Racquet ball or squash doesn't matter, only rich snobs or pretentious people play it anyway. Same with riding horses, you need lots of disposable income for that activity. Perhaps the inbreed elite were confused, after all when your parents are cousins and so were your grandparents and great grandparents (must keep that money earned by exploiting the sweating, bleeding masses in the family!) chances are you aren't the brightest bulb in the pack! However that doesn't explain how the even more inbreed royals of Europe understand it. Maybe their nannies drew them pictures! Do you have jokes for them as we do for our Appalachian residents? Such as, what is foreplay for a royal? Saying get in the car sis.

  3. Nobody says waste paper basket. Or eyeglasses. And we do say pavement. No excuse for the horseback riding though. Most people just say ‘riding’ as far as I know. I mean I get comedy is just for laughs but he’s not being super accurate. 🤷🏼‍♀️meh.

  4. I love this video and joke!

    as an american ihave never ever heard someone call a trash can called waste paper basket,😂 eyeglasses are just glasses, and i have never heard of racquet ball..

    but yea the horseback riding one is accurate😂

  5. Not at all true for some of us, you know, dear Britons. By the way horse riding? Since when have humans ridden anything before we rode horses? Horse riding is just as redundant (unless one is addressing a respondent from a still horse-ignorant culture — there must be some somewhere). See, when I go riding on something other than a horse, then I specify. For example, motor-bike riding. See? Elementary. So, spare us all your selectively sanctimonious hey, America, you have a speck in your eye. Attend to your own lumber issues, kindly I thank you, good peoples of a beloved mother country (how many mums by now have we?). To put it as American (tastefully bowdlerized) as I can, mind your own effin' business, limey pricks — and (from me, actually, just me) lots of love 🙂 Yeah, you knew this diatribe was not entirely in deadly earnest I hope, or you really have nothing left to teach us about deadpan comedy. Whatever will PBS do without Britons to teach us what is actually funny? Oh dear oh dear… I was silly walking before Cleese &co. were able to finally finagle permission and resources to shoot "Completely Different" and my wife and I (already betrothed from birth) invented Philosopher Football in kindergarten. Really, it won't do, you know… Anyway, just by the way, who's this Johnny Come Lately to Britcom who thinks the same old clichéd snipes at Americana are new and fresh, or well-timed in their delivery? I don't remember growing up with him on PBS. Is this the voice of British commentary on American culture as viewed through the lens of comedy? Stale, like your jokes about our beer. I agree, by the way, but you got it wrong: American beer is not like making love in a canoe, it's like making love in a loo — fucking close to piss — er — pee — you-rhein or whatever the word is over there — you get me.

  6. Ok, this is funny.. every time in the comment section people argue about English language. Most of you grammar nazis speak only 1 language (English) and always bitch about it.
    Most of us have different 1.st language, but we speak at least 1. foreign one (mostly English).
    So you f* loosers can't speak no other than English. I'm not polyglot, but can speak 4 foreign languages, 2 of them we learn trough elementary school.

    so..if we sum it up: f* loosers

  7. I have never in my life said "eye glasses" or "waste paper basket". It's "glasses and "trash" hahaha although this is hilarious! Super funny.

  8. The smart British J. Ross in very intelligent manner revealed Abyss between ENGLISH LANGUAGE and American Mockery of ENGLISH and intelligently emphasized ENGLISH LANGUAGE Has Nothing to Do with American Mockery of ENGLISH!!!

  9. AND AMERICANS have goose bumps. BUMPS ??? Bumps are swellings. 😨😨
    However the English have always had goose pimples 😊 Because that's exactly what they are – PIMPLES.
    But on the positive side the American disease of goose bumps has now hit the UK. YAY 👍 So adolescents no longer have acne because pimples no longer exists 😊😊😊😊

  10. The first time I had to work with a Translator… I asked "do you speak English?" and he replied with "YOU don't speak English… you speak American… there is a difference". I found that to be true and it has stayed with me ever since. When I watch a video like this – it cracks me up every time. "Two countries separated by a common language" LOL 🙂

  11. BBC went on further: American Mockery of ENGLISH is Destructive, Viruses, Disgusting and Has Nothing to Do with ENGLISH LANGUAGE!

  12. When he got to riding a horse I burst out laughing before he even got to the punch line, horseback riding is exactly what we call it here in the American Midwest!

  13. Meanwhile the English love a condescendingly feeble language soaked in hilariously arbitrary guidelines for a country with too much free time. "might I be so bold as to perhaps inquire if you would be so kind as to possibly forgive my directness if one was perhaps to trouble you to roll your motor vehicle off my foot? "

  14. Well, it should be patently obvious that those Americans who accepted the British use of "Pavement" experience a series of very short lifetimes. That is, until another American had the brilliant idea of walking on a "sidewalk" instead of a "pavement".
    Unfortunately, those who clung to the old way, the British way, all died off.

  15. Ironic that Michael was talking to a man with a huge lisp about Americans not being able to speak English.

  16. British Michael McIntryre revealed that Americans are stupid and don't understand and don't speak English and only capable to speak American Mockery of ENGLISH.

  17. Remind me, what do you call soccer? It's almost as though you couldn't figure out how to play the game if it wasn't right there in the name…

  18. Well done to the Americans who find this funny.
    The Americans getting triggered and backlashing need to get a sense of humour

  19. Of course we changed it we beat you twice and saved you from Germany twice so I'd stop talking with out us you'd be speaking German

  20. Take any American City and the most worst American Underground ( American Subway ) developed not for the people but developed like for ' livestock ' and have a look around: 126 nathionalities live in America and All of them speak American Mockery of ENGLISH with Own accent.
    And All of them asking each other ' Do you speak English? '.
    BBC: Americans so stupid, they would not like to admit, that They Not Capable to Learn ENGLISH and They speak American Mockery of ENGLISH.

  21. We spell things incorrectly as well, I use many of the English spellings as I can’t stand the way some words look when spelled in the American manner.

  22. I am American and found this to be hilarious. But some of the comments are blatant insults, it's disgusting. The part of the American vocabulary that probably annoys me most is calling football "soccer", why? "Soccer" is played with a ball and the most used part of the body is the foot. Smh.

  23. I was confused by "home cooked meals" in restaurants. I assumed the waitresses bring the food in like people do when they attend parties in the US. For years I avoided this kind of restaurants. I did not trust in the cleanness of the waitresses.

  24. As an American, I love this comedian, but at least where I live, it's different.

    Pavement is the actual material of the sidewalk, so yes, we call it a sidewalk, but pavement is still a thing.

    I have never in my life heard someone call it a wastepaper basket. It's always just "the garbage" or "the trash" or "the recycling"

    I'll probably want to add more once I finish watching 😂

    Okay, yep

    Eyeglasses is also not a thing. Just glasses.

    Can't argue with racquetball, very true. 😂

    I do appreciate the jokes, really I do, but to me, jokes are more funny when they're accurate.

  25. Played racquet ball. It's not the save as squash. Diffrent racquet, diffrent ball and much easier to play.

  26. I've always found it amusing how frequently British talk bring up American English, often for no apparent reason. Conversely, Americans will rarely talk about British English unless there's a reason. The British seem very insecure at times.

  27. Don't forget this was a nation that nearly had German as their official language. They still translate from German to English

  28. Americans don’t say eye glasses, we say glasses, and we don’t say waste paper basket. We say trash or trash can. Dude doesn’t know shit 😂

  29. Americans call it horseback riding to distinguish themselves from horse riding English sexual perverts.

  30. I'll give them this one.. but the english dont understand hmm, What's that word, uh, oh yeah, freedom. It was freedom. 😂. They still haven't figured that one out. Maybe theyll get it one day.

  31. My favourite one is skiing. Normal english speakers say “skiing” American needed full explanation and they have gone with: “mountain slope snow skiing” just so they know it has to be on a mountain, and not water skiing (which is reasonable) but then they had to make sure people where actually on the slopes because too many Americans used to be skiing on the tops of mountains where it wasn’t sloping. And to make sure people weren’t skiing on grass down a hill they had to add in ‘snow’

  32. 😁 I'm English and married to an American and he still doesn't understand a lot of what I'm talking about. When I first said I was taking the piss he thought I was actually taking a piss. Then when our son was 8 I told him to put his jumper on my mom in law was you cant put him in a dress.🤦‍♀️ oh my favorite thing to do was teach my mom in law English words without telling her the true meaning. Rule number 1 out in public shout the word till you get it right. (Wanker) 2 don't tell her the meaning till get home. 3 instead of telling her what it is say goggles it.😂😈. She is my best friend and always takes my side when ny husband and I are fighting even when it's my fault. Oh and after 15yrs of marriage he still can't pronounce my home town or Hampshire. Its HampShireeeee🤦‍♀️ but I still love him.😁

  33. Brits are so butthurt about so many things with americans… It's embarrassing.
    By the way, british accent in general is very unpleasant, as are the brits.
    Fuck you, your "original English" and, of course, your queen.

  34. In Australia we call it a foot path!!! In Australia yes same with everything else! Horse back riding, etc! Aussie Land is more proper English then the fucking yanks! They’re morons!

  35. I think the simplification of English in US might came from the fact that it's a country built by many non native speakers therefore it was easier to communicate/explain to each other stuff this way(?). Just a thought. I'm not an American nor a Historian and not a native speaker myslef:) By the way the joke is hilarious!

  36. Let's not forget ' Fortnight', Americans think its only a game! They prefer 'two week period'. I think they love to hear the sound of their own voices.

  37. He's a COMEDIAN, therefore no offense 😉
    The comments made by him were also made in d " KAZANIAN" household =}
    " Havej akhel" I would hear this all d time…no comedians in that house though 😉

  38. The vocabulary difference is
    American English: More simplified and Germanic (sidewalk)
    British English: Unnecessarily more complicated and less Germanic (pavement)

  39. Actually we call it squash here in the U.S. as well. And for a country that calls the room with the toilet a "loo" you've got a ways to go with your own word "magic".

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