[Mark]: We’re so cute! [laughs] [Wade]: It’s time for some Chicken Horse!
[Others exclaiming] [Mark]: Yay! Are all of our characters going to die?
[Jack]: I have no idea how to play this. [Bob]: I don’t know what this game is.
[Mark, in a thick Midwestern accent]: Oh, geez. Oh, gosh. [Wade]: Um…welp, it’s borked.
[Jack, as Mark laughs]: It looks like I’m holding a penis! [Wade, as the others laugh]: Uh… Oh. Press Y.
[Mark]: Yeah. [Wade]: You can pick–oh, okay.
[Bob, in the background]: Ohhh. [Mark]: Are we helping each other, or are we, like, trying to stop each other?
[Wade]: No. You want to be the only one to win. [Wade]: However, do you guys see the box with the question mark?
[Mark]: Yeah. [Wade]: We want– we do wanna work together to get that, because that unlocks new stuff that we can use next time. [Mark]: What is that, Bob?! Is that a door?
[Bob]: No. [Mark]: What is that?!
[Laughter in the background] [Mark]: You guys are so dumb!
[Jack]: Yeah! [Mark]: Aah! How the–
[Jack screams] [Mark]: Shit. [screams]
[Jack]: God damn! [Wade]: Ha! Got it!
[Jack, in the background]: God dang. [Bob]: Oh, shit!
[Jack]: No! I died. [All]: What?! No!
[Bob]: Oh, my God. [Mark]: It’s so stupid!
[Jack]: I’ll die with you guys. [All laughing]
[Wade]: You didn’t have to die there. You can actually jump up the wall. [Mark, screaming]: He wanted to be with us! Let him live–I mean die. Let him die. [Bob laughing]
[Jack]: God dammit. [Wade]: Well, okay, then.
[Jack]: Is this another game where Wade is better than all of us? [Wade]: I only won one round!
[Mark]: Oh! Oh, my God. Oh, wow. [Mark]: Oh, shit, do I have–why did that blow up? [Jack]: Wait, I’m not even on the thing anymore. What happened?
[Mark]: I don’t know! [Bob]: Oh, God.
[Jack]: Why did the bomb blow up in the making? [Mark]: I don’t know!
[Wade]: Because the bomb destroys things that you, like– [Wade]: It destroys props you already placed.
[Mark]: Oh, no! [Bob]: Oh, God!
[Wade screams as Mark laughs] [Wade]: Oh, no.
[All exclaiming] [Mark]: [soft grunts] Yeah! I found a way around! [All periodically cheering]
[Mark]: I found a cheat! Yeah! [Jack]: Oh, no!
[Mark]: Come on, Bob! [Wade]: Yeah, Bobby!
[All]: Yeah! Yes! [Bob]: No! Yes!
[Mark]: Friends forever! [Bob laughs]
[Wade]: Yay! [Jack groaning in the background, presumably at his piss-poor performance] [Mark]: Nice.
[Bob]: All right, we’re going to have to fix that bullshit. [Mark]: I don’t know how. How do we fix any of this bullshit? [Mark]: …just put this right there.
[Wade]: Bob, are you gonna destroy the thing I just pla– [Wade]: Okay, good. You know.
[Mark]: Oh! [Bob]: What? What? How–? Oh.
[Mark]: So the bo– Oh! I ge–I get what the bomb do. [Wade]: Yeah. [Jack]: Ah, fuck! Dammit!
[Bob]: Oh, God! Oh, God! [Mark, laughing]: Oh. So if I touch those fan blades… [Mark]: Yep! That’s–that’s not good!
[All laughing and exclaiming] [Mark, laughing]: God dang.
[Jack]: I thought that Wade knew what he was doing. [Bob]: That was unclear. That was super unclear. [All exclaiming, Jack particularly disappointedly]
[Mark]: Yeah, this is crap. [Wade]: Guys, I’ve got the advantage for one round! Just give me this.
[Mark]: Oh, come on! [Mark, laughing]: Your trap is bullshit.
[Jack]: No! Fuck you. [Wade laughs]
[Mark]: Problem is, I don’t know what half of these things do. [Jack]: Yeah!
[Bob]: You want to see some shit, Wade? [Wade]: What’re you–What’re you doing, Bob?
[Mark, laughing]: Oh, God, no, Bob! [Bob]: Come on, you guys!
[Jack]: Oh, Bob. [Jack]: What the fu–Bob just teleported! [Jack]: Yay! I did it!
[Mark]: Dammit. Dangit. [Wade]: Well, now we’re all gonna win, so nobody gets any points! [Mark, Bob, and Jack all exclaiming]
[Mark]: Ha-ha, Bob! Eat dicks. [Wade]: No points!
[Bob]: I didn’t realize that was going to happen. [Bob]: Why–why did that is happen?
[Mark]: Yeah, Wade, you seem to assume that… [Mark]: …we know the rules here.
[Wade]: Oh. Uh…hey, guys, there’s rules. [Mark]: Oh, shut up.
[Bob]: Eat shit, everybody. [Wade]: Wait, what did I pick?
[Mark]: How do I rotate something? [Bob, laughing]: Uh, Mark, right and left bumper is what it is for you. [Jack]: Fuck you, Bob.
[Bob]: Oh, Jack–[stutters] Wade’s gonna destroy the– [Wade]: What in the world?! Okay! Now that’s a thing!
[All laughing] [Jack]: God dammit, dudes!
[Mark]: Well. [Jack]: I finally won one, and now you’re dicking me over. [Mark]: Ain’t this a…this is a thing.
[Bob, laughing]: So, uh… [Mark, laughing]: So…are we just–are we just waiting… [Mark]: …for everyone else to fail?
[Wade screams] [Jack]: Now we’re all fucked.
[Wade, Bob, and Mark laughing] [Bob]: Okay, I guess I’m going down here.
[All laughing and exclaiming] [Wade, laughing]: Well, there’s no–no–there’s nothing to–
[Jack]: No way! [Wade]: Screw it! [grunts as he’s killed]
[Jack]: No way! [Mark]: There’s a way!
[Jack]: Now you’ve made it too hard. I’m gon–I’m gonna– [Jack]: I’m gonna just dance. I’m gonna just stand here and dance. [Wade]: I died.
[Jack, high-pitched]: What’s up? [Wade]: I “sudokued” myself. [Mark, haughtily]: Uh, it’s “seppuku.”
[Bob]: I don’t, um… [Jack]: “Septiceye-ku”?
[Bob]: I don’t think that’s possible anymore. [Wade]: Nope.
[Jack]: No. Fuckin’ hell. [Bob]: I’m just gonna guess–
[Wade, with others laughing in background]: Jack–Jack… [Wade]: …joined me in death!
[Mark]: No! I can live! [Bob]: Wait, wait, Mark–Mark, come here.
[Mark]: I want to live! [screams] [Bob]: Mark, come here! Mark, come here! I want to tell you something. Mark, come here. [Mark]: What? Huh? [Mark makes kissing noises into the microphone]
[Bob]: Wha–no, you did this. [Mark continues making kissing noises]
[Bob]: No, you made this happen. [Mark continues making kissing noises]
[Wade, confused as always]: What? What is happening? [Mark continues making kissing noises]
[Bob starts laughing] [Mark continues making kissing noises]
[Wade]: What is happening?! Stop! [Mark, as Bob laughs in the background]: Oh, I’m so shy.
[Jack]: Hold “B” to give up. [Mark continues making kissing noises]
[Jack]: Can–[shouting] Hold “B” to give up, man! [Mark continues making kissing noises]
[Wade and Bob laugh] [Mark continues making kissing noises]
[Jack]: I don’t like this. [Mark makes kissing noises, then screams]
[Wade]: Stop! Please! [Bob]: It’s zooming in on it… [All laughing]
[Wade, still laughing]: No… [Jack groans, annoyed at his own performance]
[All calming down a bit] [Wade]: Oh, my God.
[Jack]: God damn it I have no points. [Bob]: Well, at least Wade hasn’t won yet.
[Mark]: It’s good, though! [Jack]: Okay, um…pressing the “Y” button brings up my pause screen.
[Bob]: Whatcha doin’ with that, Wade? [Jack]: Okay, there we go.
[Wade, in response to Bob]: Gettin’ rid of that. [Jack]: Nice. Thank God. [Wade]: Oh, come on. [sighs dejectedly]
[Bob and Mark start laughing] [Jack]: No! No!
[Wade and Bob cheer and laugh] [Mark, laughing]: Come on! What, it’s gonna be too easy now!
[Jack]: No! No! NO! [Wade]: No! God– [Mark]: Yes!
[Mark and Bob celebrating and laughing] [Jack]: No!
[Wade, laughing]: Bob! [Mark]: Yeah! Attaboy, Bob! Attaboy!
[Bob]: You guys are just idiots. I got the solution. Just wait. [Bob]: You ready for this?
[Jack]: What’re you–[cut off by Wade screaming] [Mark, with Wade groaning in the background]: I’m so ready.
[Bob]: I’ve got the solution, bitches! [All exclaiming]
[Mark]: Damn! Damn! [Jack, screaming]: No!
[Mark]: Damn! [Mark shrieks]
[Bob]: Get rekt! Get rekt! [Mark]: Oh, fuck! Ah, shit. God dammit.
[Others laughing] [Jack]: Fucking…fuck…was that?
[Mark]: Fuck it! [Bob]: Ah, I figured it’d do that!
[Mark, shouting]: Hold “B,” dickbag! [Jack]: Yes! Yes! I win, too! I win, too!
[Wade]: Oh, God, no, not– [Jack]: It’s all on me! The camera’s on me!
[All laughing] [Wade]: Oh, God.
[Jack]: Fuck it. [Wade]: Look at this.
[Mark, in a thick Irish accent]: Fuck it. [Bob, mockingly]: I’m smarter than all of you.
[Mark]: Yeah, yeah, I almost did the thing. [Mark]: I almost did it.
[Jack]: I tried to do it, and I failed miserably. [Wade]: Wow, Bob.
[Jack]: But no points! [Mark]: Okay.
[Bob]: Rek, rek, rek, rek, rek, rek, rek, rek! [Bob and Mark, almost simultaneously]: What is that?
[Mark]: What is that? [Bob]: That arrow’s, like, a block?
[Jack]: That’s a barrel. It’s a barrel. [Bob]: I still believe this is accomplishable.
[Jack, laughing]: You–you–your character’s just… [Jack]: …lookin’ at it, like, “What the fuck is that?!”
[Bob]: “What is this? What is that?” [Jack, laughing]: “What is that?” [Jack]: Oh, thank you, Bo–er, Wade.
[Mark]: Very narrow window of success– [Wade, screaming]: Bob, why do you do this?!
[Bob laughing maniacally in the background] [Wade, still screaming]: Where did you come from?!
[Others laughing] [Wade, still screaming]: Bob!
[Others laughing] [Jack, screaming]: God, no! The fuck!
[Mark and Bob laughing] [Wade, still screaming]: Bob! [Jack]: Oh, yes! Yes! Yes! Fuck you, bitches!
[Mark]: [screams] Ow! I got killed b– [Mark]: Oh, God, my dead body! Oh, God!
[Jack]: Yeah! [Mark, laughing]: Dead sheep…
[All laughing; Wade cheering] [All laughing]
[Jack]: Are you dead? Yeah! [Bob]: I didn’t realize you were dead! I was, like, “What’re you do–” [Mark]: Yeah, yeah…
[Wade]: Oh, I thought you were so close, too, Mark! [All laughing]
[Mark]: Very dead. Nope, very dead. Very dead, yep. Very dead. [Jack]: Yes! Now I’m not last.
[Bob]: Oh, my God. [Mark]: Augh, shut up. I–I made my own demise.
[Wade clucks like a chicken] [Jack]: The chicken is the ultimate chicken. Mark, you came last. [Mark, screaming]: Shut up! I know I came last! It’s okay! It’s ’cause I wanted it. [Mark]: I meant to be bad. Anytime I’m bad, that meant bad. [Jack]: Stop jumping!
[Wade]: God, Bob, why is there always someone like you… [Wade]: …that I play with, Bob, that has to be the ultimate jerk at the very end of the round? [Bob]: I am the ultimate Chicken Horse. Deal with it. [Wade]: Oh, there’s–did you gu–there’s multiple pages of traps. I didn’t see that. [All exclaiming]
[Jack]: Where do we start? Oh, God, there’s saw blades?! [Mark]: Augh, that’s awesome!
[Jack, evilly]: Yes! [Jack, still evil]: Yes!
[Mark]: Oh, that’s so cool! [Wade]: But wait, we–s–so wait, somebody–somebody has to give us a path! [Jack]: No! No!
[Wade]: No, we– [Mark laughing evilly]
[Wade, annoyed]: Oh, God. [Mark and Bob laughing]
[Jack]: How is anybody gonna make that?! [Mark]: [screams] I got this! [screams]
[Mark and Bob laugh] [Wade screams like a chicken]
[Mark]: How did you jump so far?! You can sprint?! [Jack]: I can’t move!
[Bob]: Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa! [Jack]: My character can’t move!
[Mark]: How do you sprint?! [Wade]: Right trigger.
[Jack]: Right trigger’s not working. [Mark]: Augh, you don’t guys tell us how to play! [Bob]: Jack, how ya’ doin’?
[Jack]: I can–my character won’t move. [Bob]: Yeah, you gonna tell–
[Jack]: I can pause the game, but my character won’t move. [Wade]: Oh, no. Jack, try using WASD. [Jack]: …Nope.
[Wade]: Well, uh, okay. [Bob]: Just kill yourself?
[Wade]: Yeah, online’s just a little bit too borked still. [Wade]: We might have to restart again.
[All scream in annoyance] [Jack]: …I ended game.
[Wade]: Oh, wait, can you move now? [Jack, insistently]: I ended game.
[Wade, finally getting it]: Oh. [Bob]: Can you–Wade, so let’s not disconnect everyone, ’cause fuck that. Can you– [Wade]: Yeah, Jack, see if you can rejoin.
[Bob]: [unintelligible] …Jack, and rejoin. [Mark]: He’s there! Yay!
[Wade]: Back to the rooftops. Yay. [Jack]: I don’t even know what sprint is now! If I lose, I’m blaming mouse and keyboard. [Wade]: Try “Shift,” maybe?
[Mark]: I wasn’t using sprint! Hey, I didn’t need sprint. [Mark]: I was good enough without it, even though I got last place. Whatever. [Jack]: Shut yer–“B.”
[Mark, screaming like a madman]: No! [Jack]: Oh, my God, the mouse doesn’t work right!
[Wade]: Whoa! I like the look of that, Mark. [Bob]: Oh, my gosh.
[Jack screams in frustration] [Mark]: How ’bout a little bit of that action?
[Bob]: All right. How ’bout a little bit of… [Bob]: …”good luck tryin’ to make this jump”?
[Mark]: I don’t need luck. I got lots of skill. [Wade]: Bob…Bob, no. Bob. Bob!
[Bob]: I’m pretty sure you could make that. [Wade]: Yeah.
[Jack]: Oh, man, I can’t…I can’t do the thing now. [Mark]: Get out of my way! [screams] Oh! I missed it! [screams] [Bob]: Oh, my God!
[Jack]: What was that? What?! [Wade laughs maniacally, then clucks repeatedly] [Bob]: Wade is still cheating.
[Mark]: Wow. Wow. [Wade clucks]
[Bob]: How surprising. [Jack]: You have the advantage for one round, eh? This game does not work right. [Jack, softly]: I don’t like it.
[Mark, laughing]: It works fine! Don’t criticize it! It’ll get… [Mark]: …mean, and it won’t let you play.
[Wade, laughing]: Why is there a door there? [Jack, shouting]: I don’t fuckin’ know!
[Bob and Mark laugh] [Wade, laughing]: Bob, no!
[Mark]: Yeah! This is what I’m talkin’ ‘bo– [Mark]: Fu–ah! Fu–[yelps and shrieks] No!
[Bob laughs] [Jack]: Fuck! What is– fire balls?!
[Mark and Bob laugh] [Jack]: Where the fuck are the fire balls?!
[Mark, Bob, and Wade laugh] [Mark]: Ah, goddammit.
[Wade shrieks] [Wade shrieks again]
[Mark, Bob, and Jack all exclaim] [All laugh]
[Wade]: No… [Jack]: Fuck that guy. Fuck that guy.
[All laugh] [Jack]: No winners, no points. [Mark]: Suck it, Wade! We can’t win, well–
[Jack]: No one can! [Bob]: It’s not supposed to be easy, Wade. [Wade]: But guys…
[Mark]: Whoa, what is this?! [Bob]: Oh, my God! Sciency stuff!
[Mark]: What is this? [Bob]: Yeah, Mark, I’m with you – lots of this. Lots of this.
[Wade]: No! [Wade]: No, guys, those things are so overpowered!
[Mark]: Why? [Jack]: Put them down!
[Bob]: All right, well, I’m just gonna make– [Wade]: They just suck you in and kill you instantly!
[Mark]: Just gonna put this right… [Wade]: No!
[Bob]: It’s fine right there. [Jack]: No, Mark…[laughs]
[Wade]: Mark! Mark! Think about this! [Mark]: I’ll make it fair. It’s–it’s fair. It’s fair. It’s fair [Others laugh in the background]
[Mark]: It’s fair! It’s fair! [Bob]: That doesn’t need to be fair…
[Mark]: Oh, God! [Jack and Wade scream, Wade clucks]
[Jack screams all the way down] [Mark]: I can’t sprint! I can’t sprint! I can’t sprint! How do you sprint?! [Bob]: Pull…pull…yes!
[Wade]: Oh, my goodness! Bob! [Mark]: You said the bumper buttons!
[Bob]: Get rekt. [Mark]: You said the bumper, right?
[Jack]: What did my thing do? [Bob]: Right trigger.
[Jack]: No, X! [Mark]: Oh, the triggers?! You said bumper, Wade! [Bob]: [laughs] Fuck you, asshole.
[Jack]: Oh, God almighty. [Mark and Wade laugh]
[Jack]: How was anybody going to– [Wade]: I don’t know!
[Bob]: You guys all make it possible. Don’t worry. [Wade]: Okay, Bob.
[Mark]: Okay. [Bob]: It’s gonna be totally possible. [Mark and Wade laughing]
[Jack]: What?! [Bob]: You just have to–you just have to…what?
[Wade]: It doesn’t rot– [Mark]: Oh, oh, oh, oh.
[Bob]: That’s really not what I thought was gonna happen at all. [Jack]: Oh, oh, God. Oh, God, it crushed me.
[All exclaiming, with Wade clucking all the way down] [Bob and Mark laughing and cheering]
[Jack]: What the fuck?! [Wade]: How did Mark get through there?
[Mark, screaming]: Because I’m good at games, guys! [Mark]: You just don’t give me a chance!
[Jack]: I’m losing again! [Mark cheers]
[Jack]: Mark’s winning? [Wade]: Mark is winning.
[Jack]: That can’t happen. That can’t happen. [Mark]: Why can’t that happen, guys? Why is that not allowed? [Mark]: What is this?
[Bob]: I got some ideas. I got some ideas. Don’t you worry. [Mark]: What even is that? [Jack]: Oh, I hate this game. [Mark]: I don’t know what this do…but okay.
[Wade]: Oh, God. [Jack]: Where’s the fir–where’s the balls at?
[Wade]: That’s barbed wire. It’s gotta go–oh, Bob, if– [Mark]: I meant whatever the spikey ball is below it.
[Bob]: Oh, God dangit. [Bob]: Well…
[Jack]: This sucks. [Bob]: I don’t know what these is.
[Jack]: How do even right now? [Wade]: Why is there a random teleporter floating in the middle of the sk–Bob. [Jack]: I didn’t know what it did!
[Wade]: Bob. [Mark]: Bob, yes.
[Wade]: Bob, that’s just gonna hit the other trap, there. [Bob]: Yeah, it is.
[Mark, evilly]: Yes, Bob. Yes. [Bob]: I think I’m gonna go like this… [Jack]: Put it on the ground the other side, firing at the goal.
[Mark]: Just in case… [Bob]: I just want to see if it’ll pick someone off as they’re about to win. [Jack]: Fuck me in the ass.
[Mark]: Whoa! Hey! Whoa, whoa, oh, God. [Wade]: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! [starts to scream]
[Mark]: Oh, God, not– [All screaming, then laughing] [Mark]: Wow. Wow.
[Wade]: What have we done?! [Wade]: Look at this garbage!
[All laughing] [Mark]: Add more! More! More! More!
[Wade]: Nobody’s putting down platforms! We’re just adding more traps! [Bob]: Wade, isn’t that the way the game’s supposed to be played? [Wade]: No!
[Mark]: This was a–this is a mistake, right? This was a mistake. [Mark]: Let’s just get this out of here. That was a mistake. [Mark]: Wade, don’t–come on, Wade, that just makes it easy. [Wade]: …Bob. Bob! Bob!
[Mark]: Yeah, there we go! That’s it! That’s the stuff! [Bob]: Actually, I won’t do that. I won’t do that….I’ll do this.
[Wade]: Bob! [All laugh]
[Bob]: You guys have fun dying first. [Jack]: I can barely even see which one I am half the time.
[Mark and Jack shout] [Bob]: Oh, no! No! No!
[Wade]: Oh, okay. Okay. I’m okay. [Mark]: [screaming and whining] Oh, God.
[Jack]: Yes! Yes! Yes! Everybody dies! [Bob]: Where are you going?
[Wade screams and clucks] [Everyone but Wade laughs, Wade clucks] [Wade yelping, Mark laughing]
[Jack]: Get the chicken! Get the chicken! Get that! [Bob and Jack, sarcastically]: Go, Wade. Go, Wade.
[Wade screams] [All reacting in disappointment at Wade’s win] [Jack]: It’s actually possible?!
[Mark]: It’s because he took his time. We were all being stupid. [Jack]: I have points now!
[Wade]: Man, how dare I win?! [Bob]: All right, Wade. [Wade]: I like–I liked the sentence, like–“Oh, he actually tried to not suck!” [Mark]: We gotta go through the door. I decree it. [Mark, as Bob laughs]: Like that. There we go.
[Wade]: Oh, God! What?! [Bob]: There. I was gonna–I was just gonna go, like this atop Wade.
[Jack]: Just put a tiny little square on top of us? [Voices overlapping] [All reacting to their movements]
[Wade, screaming]: Oh, no! I got pucked over! [Jack]: Oh, God. Oh, fuck! Where’d you push me?! [Voices overlapping]
[Jack]: I got sucked into a black hole! [Voices overlapping, reacting] [Wade]: You bounced off and hit that spikeball, Bob.
[Bob]: Spikeball?! Fuckin’ shit! [Jack]: That’s what I died on.
[Wade]: Hey, look! Jack got points! [Mark]: More! What does this do?
[Bob]: This is fuckin’ impossible. [Mark and Jack]: What does this do? What the fuck does this do? [Bob]: No, Mark, you’re such a dick!
[Mark]: What’d I do?! I just made it slightly more difficult. [Bob laughs]
[Mark]: Only slightly. [Bob]: Oh, you, Jack, trying to make a duel. I don’t think that’s gonna help. [Jack]: No, I’m trying to dick someone over.
[Bob]: All right. [Wade]: Wow, that’s a–that’s what we need more of here! [Bob]: Yeah, I’m not gonna make it that much harder. [Wade]: Oh, Jack, no!
[Mark]: Yes, Jack! Yes, Jack, yes! [Mark]: Yes, yes, yes, girl!
[Bob]: Oh, God, the puck! The puck! [Jack]: Fuck! I try and start every time, and I get sucked into a black hole! [Mark]: No, it’s impossible! Shit!
[Wade]: Oh, God! [screams] [Mark]: Bob, look out!
[Jack]: Bye, everybody! Die! [Wade]: [unintelligible]
[Bob]: No! Fuckin’–[laughs] [Jack]: Okay, this is bullshit right now.
[Bob]: It’s not possible, man. [Mark]: Well, you guys can bomb stuff! You don’t have to keep adding! It’s not my fault! [Wade laughs and whimpers]
[Mark]: All right, bomb Wade! [Bob]: I want to make this pass happen.
[Jack]: Fuck–fuck this nonsense right here. [Bob]: I want to make this pass happen.
[Jack]: Fuck that nonsense. [Bob]: Here we go. Here we go.
[Mark]: All right, I’ll get rid of this– [Bob]: I’m getting rid of this piece of shit. [Mark]: This is useless. [Wade]: I added a whole ‘nother platform.
[Mark]: Good for you. Whatever. [Bob]: Go away, puck douchebag.
[Mark]: Fuckin’–God–th—[frustrated groan] [Bob]: Oh! I jumped!
[Jack groans, Wade screams, Mark laughs maniacally] [Mark]: Ha ha, Wade! [cackles]
[Wade, high-pitched]: Oh, no! [Bob]: Jack, you can do it! I believe in you!
[Jack]: I can’t! I can’t! [Bob]: Jack, you got this!
[Jack]: Fuck! Fuck! No! No! No! [All shouting]
[Wade]: He did it! [All reacting, laughing]
[Wade]: Jack was good at games, guys! [Mark]: You had to go through the door! You gotta go through the door! [Bob]: Jack, how the fuck? That was magical!
[Jack]: Nice! I have no idea. [Mark]: We’re gonna assume that wasn’t pure luck, and everything’s gonna be okay. [Bob]: No, that was–that was beautiful, man.
[Jack]: Who’s left? [Wade]: Probably Bob.
[Bob]: I’m still thinking. I’m sorry. [Wade]: Oh, it is Bob. I knew it. He goes incognito. [Jack]: I love Mark’s little square of barbed wire there.
[Mark]: Thank you. It’s my favorite. [Jack]: So you can’t land on it? Oh, God. [All making noises]
[Jack]: We’re safe here for awhile. [Mark making guttural noises]
[Bob speaking, interrupted by Wade screaming and clucking] [Mark]: Oh, no! Come on! God dammit!
[Jack]: Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck! Fuck! [Bob]: You can’t just freak the fuck out, man. It makes me lose my shit! [Jack]: Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no!
[All laughing] [Mark]: All right, this time…ah, fuck, why?
[All laughing] [Bob]: Every time Wade loses his shit, I just die immediately.
[All laughing] [Wade]: Bad things happen to me.
[Mark]: Two turns! Ah, shit. [Bob]: Augh, two turns? Fuck!
[Mark]: Okay. [Mark]: Let’s put some honey there. I didn’t know what else to do. [Bob]: All right.
[Jack]: Yeah, I won’t need another one. [Wade]: You always wait ’til last, Bo–Bob. [Mark]: Bob. Bob! Bob!
[Wade]: Yeah, that looks… [Jack]: That’s right, you cheat!
[Wade]: Do it, Bob. [Bob]: No.
[Wade]: Do it, Bob. [Bob]: Definitely not. I would never try–
[Jack]: Because he’s losing. [Wade]: Do it, Bob.
[Jack]: You little bitch. [Bob]: Maybe. [Wade]: Who put honey?! [Mark]: I put honey. [screams]
[All reacting] [Bob, laughing]: Jack, are you just stuck to it?
[Wade screams, all react] [Mark shrieks, everyone laughs] [Mark]: Who put barbed wire there?! Who did that?!
[All laughing] [Wade]: I did that!
[Mark]: Why did you did that? [Jack]: Nice!
[Mark]: No, not nice! [Mark]: God dammit!
[Wade laughing] [Mark]: Bullshit.
[Bob]: So harsh. [Mark, under his breath]: So bullshit.
[Wade]: I don’t know how anyone could win this now. [Mark]: Naw, it’s possible.
[Jack]: It’s definitely possible; it’s just annoying. [Bob]: There. I’ve got–I’ve got something–I’ve got something that will definitely help. [Mark]: I don’t even know what this do.
[Jack]: Mark, don’t put that. It doesn’t do anything. [Jack]: You need another–
[Wade]: No, it does do s–if he puts that one, [Wade]: there’s two of them that–unless someone deleted the other one. [Jack]: Yeah, it’s gone.
[Mark]: I deleted that one. [Wade]: Oh, okay, then yeah, there has to be two of them.
[Bob]: Oh, I’ll put one. [Mark]: Okay. All right, Bob, let’s do this.
[Jack]: Right at the finish. [Mark]: Teamwork! [laughs]
[Wade]: Then nobody gets points! [Bob]: We’ll see, won’t we?
[Jack, as Mark laughs]: It’s too easy then. [Bob]: Here, what if we get to go right… What if we get to go ont–up here? [Wade]: Sure.
[Bob]: Then everyone has a chance. [Jack]: I hate you guys so much.
[Bob]: Everyone has a chance. [All shriek and laugh] [Mark]: Why didn’t it work?!
[Wade, through laughter]: It didn’t teleport! [Bob]: Oh, no! Fuck! [Jack]: Ah, no, no, no! Dammit, I had it! [Wade]: Mark and I just ran off the edge and died! [Mark]: I expected it to go! Dammit!
[All laugh] [Mark]: Oh, Jack, that’s so stupid! You get ahead of me because you got the bonus, like… [Mark]: …Comeback points? What a load of crap!
[Jack]: Yeah, baby! [Mark]: What a load of ass!
[Jack]: I played with a keyboard! [Wade]: All right, there’s one… There we go.
[Mark]: Bullshit. [Mark]: Whatever. All right, let’s do it.
[Jack]: Can’t fuckin’ navigate the map to get up to the level. [Mark]: Y’all suck dicks!
[Jack grunts triumphantly] [Mark]: What’re we doing? Oh. Oh. Oh!
[Wade]: The button triggers the elevator. [Wade]: And this glass will kill you.
[Mark]: What elevator? [Bob]: What’s the elevator? [Wade]: This black thing up here is the elevator.
[Mark and Bob]: Oh. [Jack]: Um…okay.
[Mark]: All right, let’s just go ahead and crush people’s dreams right off the bat. [Bob, Wade, and Jack laugh] [Jack]: Let’s do it!
[Mark]: Let’s do this! [Bob]: Okay, ah, hang on.
[Mark]: Oh, God, Bob! [Wade]: This is going to be pretty easy. The elevator’s going to be an easy– [Jack]: Oh, wait, we have to take the elevator now?
[Wade]: No, no, you don’t have to, but it’ll be easiest… [Wade]: …to win by taking it.
[Jack]: Oh, God, Bob. [Bob]: I can crush people’s dreams, too.
[Wade]: Do it, Bob. [Jack]: Just crush people in general.
[Bob]: You wanna see me crush people’s dreams? [Wade and Mark, together]: Yes.
[Jack]: No–yeah, okay. [Bob]: I think this’ll do what I want it to do.
[Mark]: I don’t know about that. [Wade clucks] [Bob]: Come here, elevator.
[Mark makes startled noises] [Jack]: God, no. That’s a bad idea.
[Bob]: Oh, sweet Jesus.. [Mark and Jack react]
[Bob]: Come on, elevator, go! [Wade]: Oh, wait–
[All react as Mark laughs maniacally] [Jack]: Augh, Bob!
[Bob, cackling]: I’m sorry! [Mark]: He’s not sorry!
[Bob continues to cackle] [Wade]: I knew that was gonna happen, and I still let it ride out. [Bob cackles]
[Jack]: Get rid of that shit! [Bob]: I’ll use a bomb to destroy it. I will use a bomb to destroy it. [Mark]: Make it be a–be a dick! [Mark]: Be a dick!
[Bob]: Be a di-ach! [Wade]: Bob? What’re you thinkin’, Bob?
[Jack]: Bein’ a dick, okay. [Jack]: Let’s go, troops!
[Bob]: Here, elevator! Let’s have a party! [Mark]: No, watch this! I got this.
[Wade clucks] [Mark shrieks]
[All laugh] [Mark]: God dammit, God dammit, God dammit, I thought I had it! [Wade screams, Mark and Bob laugh] [Wade, high-pitched]: Bob!
[Bob]: All right, you ready, Wade? [Jack]: Yay! [Bob]: No! God, you fuckin’ horse!
[Wade, mockingly]: I’m ready, Bob! I’m ready, Bob! [Mark]: What did you do?
[Bob]: It jumped, and I–it jumped. [Wade]: Jack’s the only one on the board! [Jack rejoices, Mark groans]
[Wade]: Mouse and keyboard’s OP. [Bob]: Dick, dick, dick, dick…
[Mark]: Apparently. [Bob]: Now I’m mad. Now I’m in a bad mood. [Others laugh, Mark groans in fake annoyance]
[Mark]: So grumpy. [Jack]: Bob mad ’cause bad. [Bob]: Maybe.
[Jack]: Or somethin’. [Wade]: Oh, Bob! Bob, think about what you’re–Bob!
[Bob, sadly]: So long. [Mark laughs] [Wade]: Bob!
[Bob]: So long! How much room do we need to get out? [Mark laughs] [Wade]: There would be the worst possible location you could put it. [Bob]: Like, how about this?
[Wade]: Oh, we could do through there. [Jack]: Oh, that’s–do what you think is better.
[Bob]: I’ll tell you something better than that. [Bob]: I like whoever put this here. I’ve got thoughts. [Bob]: I’ve got thoughts and ideas.
[Mark]: Do we have to duck beneath that hockey thing… [Mark]: …while we’re waiting?
[Wade]: Jump, probably. [Jack]: Jump, yeah. You can’t duck it. [Wade]: Bob. Bob!
[Jack]: Oh, God. [Mark]: Wow.
[Jack]: The valley of death. [Bob]: All right! Good luck, motherfuckers.
[Mark]: All right! [Mark]: All ri–[screams] Duck!
[All react] [Wade screams]
[Jack]: Augh, it keeps hitting my dead body! Really? [Wade screams]
[Jack]: Poonk! It keeps hitting me and Bob. [Mark and Wade scream]
[Jack]: Dead. Oh, my dead body saved you! [Wade]: Okay, okay.
[Jack, while Mark screams]: Die, die. Die, you– [Mark screams]
[Jack]: …You fuckers! [Everyone reacts] [Wade]: I was right there!
[Jack]: So fuckin’ happy. So happy! [Wade]: I was right there!
[Bob and Mark laugh] [Mark]: Alright. [Bob, laughing]: Mark…
[Mark]: What? [Bob]: Oh, that’s Jack! It’s Jack. Jack’s trying to be a dick. [Mark]: Yeah. [Jack]: Right in the middle of the other thing–
[Mark]: I’m going to try to make another avenue… [Mark]: …for us to go here.
Jack! [Mark]: Jack!
[Jack laughs soullessly]: What? [Mark and Wade]: Jack! Come on, Jack! Jack! Look, what’re you doin’, Jack? [Jack]: I hate you guys.
[Mark weeps loudly] [Wade]: You could have done it, Jack. Go ahead. Do it, Jack. Do it. [Jack]: Nah, I like it a bit more interesting. [Bob]: All right, you know what? I’m just gonna make this part down here… [Jack]: Now, who puts the other saw in the elevator?
[Wade]: …Hi, Jack. [Jack]: Fuck you, Wade.
[Mark and Wade laugh] [Wade shrieks, as per usual] [Jack]: Fuck. Hockey puck. Oh! [Bob]: Thanks for calling the elevator! [laughs] We’ll be down here. [laughs] [Wade shrieks like a FNaF character]
[Mark]: God dammit, I made that– [Bob]: Oh, God!
[Mark]: That fan is too high to go. [Mark]: Hi, Bob. How’s my ass?
[Jack]: God dammit. [Jack]: Sniff my butthole. [Mark, Jack, and Wade exclaim] [Mark laughs maniacally briefly]
[Mark]: Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. [Wade and Jack laugh at Mark’s misfortune]
[Bob and Mark shriek, with Jack shouting encouragement] [Mark]: It lagged! It lagged! I lagged! It lagged! Lag!
[Wade]: Mark, I think you can jump on the roof. [Mark]: Ohh.
[Jack and Bob, mockingly]: Oh. I get it. [Mark, sounding tortured or constipated]: Oh. [Bob, as Mark continues groaning]: I see what you’re trying to add. [Bob]: Everyone’s just, like, “Oh, fuck the roof!”
[Mark and Wade laugh] [Wade and Jack groan] [Jack]: Ha!
[Bob breaks into laughter] [Mark]: What the fuck happened?
[Bob]: Why did you not die? [Bob]: Are we all just going to casually wait for the–oh, God. [All screaming various forms of “oh” and “God” and “shit”] [Wade, high-pitched]: Oh, no!
[Mark, laughing]: This is such bullshit. [Jack]: Bullshit. Oh, shit! I got it, Bob. I got it. [Jack]: Bob, it’s literally impossible.
[Bob]: All right. We can do this, Jack. We can do this. [Bob]: No, I saved your life–Oh… [Wade]: You guys know you can run on the roof of the elevator, too, right? [Mark]: Shh!
[Bob]: I know, but the axe–the saws are always covering the roof now… [Wade]: Oh.
[Bob]: …from the bottom. [Jack]: Oh, Bob.
[Bob laughs]: You guys wanna finish this level? Fuck you. [Jack]: You should have it…
[Bob]: Guys wanna ride the elevator up? Fuck you. [Bob]: Have fun getting up the elevator!
Hang on, I’m not gonna do that. [Wade]: That might be easy now. Thank you, Bob.
[Jack]: Did you guys get sucked into the black hole? [Bob]: I don’t even really see you.
[Wade]: Yes. I got shot with an arrow. [Jack]: …Nice.
[Mark]: It got to the point where the black hole was… [Mark]: keeping me from jumping, so I couldn’t go. [Wade]: Bob, what jus–Bob. Bob.
[Mark]: Bob. Bob. Come on, Bob. [Bob]: There’s already an arrow thing over there. All right.
[Wade]: Yeah, this is going to be total overkill. [Mark]: All right, next round, I’m just gonna start blowing up this shit, ’cause goddamn. [Jack]: Yeah, this is a fucking nightmare.
[Bob]: We’re awful human beings. [Jack]: I’m the only one with anything on the leaderboard right now. [Jack]: All because of luck. [Bob]: I’m just gonna wait down here.
[Others reacting] [Jack]: Oh, there’s an arrow and a puck now?!
[Mark]: This is such bullshit! [Jack]: Look at my dead body! [unintelligible] That’s–no! No! [All laughing]
[Jack]: This is bullshit! [Bob]: Jack, thanks for blocking all the arrows.
[Wade]: Yeah, Jack, thank you. [All laughing]
[Jack]: Wade, you’re still gonna die. [Wade]: I’ll be okay!
[Mark]: No, you won’t, Wade. You did this to yourself. [Bob]: I don’t think this is gonna happen.
[Jack]: Oh, it’s in my butt! It’s in my ass! [Wade, laughing]: I got this. I got this.
[Bob]: I like how your body kept jumping while– [Wade screams]
[Mark]: Yeah, get your–there you go. All right, Bob! [Mark]: Show us what you’ve got, Bob! Oh, you’re dead? Never mind, sorry! [All laugh]
[Outro music]

100 thoughts on “HORRIBLE ADORABLE BETRAYAL | Ultimate Chicken Horse

  1. Did anyone else noticed that when they fell into the black hole they were pushed back by the elevator thingy which pushed them the opposite direction

  2. Player Key:

    Username: Animal: Name:
    Lordminion777 = Chicken = Wade
    Bab = Horse = Bob
    Booper Dooper = Racoon = Sean
    Bumbum = Sheep = Mark

  3. “Hold B to give up.”


    ”HOLD B D I C K B A G”

    1-100 really fast there

  4. 5:31 when somebody figures out a stupid solution and you wow but smart solution is FFFFFFUUUUUU WHY DIDNT I THINK OF THAT

  5. This game updated.
    You have M A N Y new traps.
    A new character.
    The ability to mess with rules (Player size, what dead players can do, gravity, etc.).

    Edit: Just noticed how old the version that the game had in this vid. The current version has so, so much more than what I mentioned, it's so much better.

  6. They really need to play this a game again it is just to funny listening to all four of them. I laughed so hard at this that I had a hard time catching my breath lol

  7. Wade: Do you guys see the box with the question mark?
    Mark: has no box with a question mark on his screen
    Also Mark: Yeah

  8. Wade keeps winner.
    Bob can't stop laughing.
    Mark keeps dying.
    Jack just can't win and is getting annoyed.

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