Ya Burnt: Skiing, New Year’s Resolutions

Ya Burnt: Skiing, New Year’s Resolutions


-If you were on Twitter today,
you may have seen people sharing this video about
migrating tree frogs and — [ Sniffing ] I’m sorry. I could be wrong here,
but I think I smell smoke, and that could only mean
one thing. It’s time for “Ya Burnt!” [ Cheers and applause ] ♪♪ Welcome to the Burn Zone. We got a lot of topics to sizzle
through and not a lot of time. Over here is the burner. Let’s turn on the gas
and load her up! Whoo! Ooh-ooh! Hot for teacher! First up, skiing. Ah, skiing, the sport that combines everyone’s
two favorite things — frostbite and broken bones. Hey, skiing, if I wanted to see
something go downhill quickly, I’d just go back and watch
the second season of “Lost.” Side burn, “Lost.” -Side burn! -Also, people who love skiing,
we’re going to have a problem if you ask me to hit the powder
and you don’t have cocaine. Skiing, go down on this!
Ya burnt! New year’s resolutions. If I wanted something that was
going to be broken by February, I would have asked Santa
for some Ikea furniture. -Side Bjurn! -Okay, so your
2019 new year’s resolution is go to the gym
more than you did last year? Oh, you really think
you can handle twice? And whose idea was it to commit
to jogging every day when it’s minus-8 degrees
outside? The new me is freezing
his balls off. Or, hey, we could
just make a resolution to quit smoking with Chantix. Ray Liotta did it,
and look how happy he is. Ohh! Jesus. Now I need a cigarette! New year’s resolutions!
I promise! Ya burnt! Wool sweaters — for the person who wants to stay warm
and get hives. [ Laughter ] If I wanted to get this many
loose hairs in my mouth, I’d just make out with Gritty. -Is there a Mrs. Gritty? -There’s a reason sheep
don’t put up a fight
when you shear them. Even they’re like, “Get this
thing the [bleep] off of me!” Wool sweaters,
itchy itchy, ya ya burnt. Parent’s Wi-Fi passwords.
Why are you so confusing? You got more characters than
the Marvel cinematic universe and more random capitalization
than a 4:00 a.m. Trump tweet. How is Mom supposed to remember
18 letters and numbers? She can’t even remember
Tom Cruise’s name. -You know who’s handsome?
Ted Cruz. -Also, you don’t need
a password, Dad. Nothing on your hard drive
is worth hiding from hackers. Nobody wants to steal
Minesweeper, version one. I looked in your folder
labeled “old tax stuff”
hoping it was porn, and it was actually
just old tax stuff. Parents’ Wi-Fi passwords,
upper case “F,” lower case “u.” Ya burnt! Ah, vitamins. On the one hand,
you’re expensive, but on the other hand,
you don’t work. But, hey, at least
you smell terrible. And what’s that?
I should be taking fish oil? Oh, great. Everyone’s favorite
part of the fish — the oil. Vitamins, I knew
you were bull [bleep] when the Flintstones started
trying to sell them to me when I was a kid. Oh, you guys are a real paragon
of health. All you eat
is mammoth ribs and rocks. Just what every kid wants —
that bangin’ Barney body. -Betty settled. -Vitamins,
yabba dabba, ya burnt! -Bounce houses, a.k.a.,
the child concussion factory. Here’s a good idea. Let’s put 20 kids
with bad coordination in an enclosed space
and an uneven surface, let them jump at each other. What could possibly go right? Bounce houses are full of air
and dangerous as hell. It’s like if Fisher Price
made the “Hindenburg.” Also… [ Laughter ] There’s definitely
something creepy about the guy who brings in
the bounce house. Does he live in there? -He doesn’t not live in there! -Bounce houses, go float away
into the neighbor’s yard! Ya burnt! Up next,
the greatest generation — [ Buzzer ] Oh, that buzzer means
we’ve run out of time. Looks like we’ll have to take
your asses back to school the next time on “Ya Burnt!”

76 thoughts on “Ya Burnt: Skiing, New Year’s Resolutions

  1. Hey Seth's digital team, what did you do? Tonight's videos didn't show up in subscriptions or even on the Late Night YouTube channel, I had to find them by chance in YouTube recommendations.

  2. Just remember the other things the Flintstones try to sell are super sugary cereal and cigarettes so maybe not the best spokesperson for your "vitamins"

  3. At least most parents have the excuse that they don't know how to change the password on their router, but what's with younger people who still have that default letter and number salad? I have friends that when I go their house and people ask for the wifi password they both have a picture of it on their phone to show you. Just change the damn password!

  4. Seth is only hating on skiing because he can't travel for powder days anymore. Parenting… Also, if you want to donate unused merino wool, I'm happy to take the garments off your hands. If your wool is still scratchy, you obviously missed several centuries worth of textile innovation. The sheep don't complain because they are sheered in the summer you muck. Everyone else understands the value in wool fabrics.

  5. One of these days, he'll hear a knock on his office door. He'll open the door, and see no one. As his eyebrows knit in confusion, he'll suddenly catch a whiff of the burning match, and his eyes will drift downward. "Who's burnt now, smart guy?", the frog holding the match will say in a high, chirpy voice…. and then they'll lunge! Thousands of tiny frogs, with the combined strength of a pro wrestler, will finally see to it that the migration story becomes front page news.

    Mark my words.

  6. Seth is great, but I sometimes wonder why he doesn't hand off not-so-frequent pieces like ya Burnt to other fledgling comedian/writers on staff. We''re all gonna love him regardless, and besides that's how new talent is discovered, no?

  7. 0:44 – Thank you, Seth. This reminded me I need to get around and finally finish watching this series. I'm still in 5th season, so no spoilers please!

    I'm kidding, but only about no spoilers part. 😛

  8. The joke should have been skis, not ikea furniture. He was just talking about broken bones. Come one writer staff, try and keep up.

  9. This is seriously my favourite segment. Seth and the writers always bring their A-game for the burns.
    I'm laughing so had my sides hurt! Side-bjürn and "Betty settled" broke me.

  10. hey.. your funny but I like skiing and I didn't get any broken bones or frostbite. In fact, I had to take off sweaters because I was too hot. Funny segment though

  11. Greatest generation: survived the depression to put Japanese immigrants and their descendants in concentration camps then go to Europe to fight Nazis for putting people in concentration camps, then came home to protest integration of schools, and generally block any and all social progress and eventually elect Bush twice and finally Trump?

  12. My New Year's resolutions:
    – Watch more TV
    – Play more video games
    – Eat more fast food
    – Eat more deserts
    – Gain 20 pounds

    So far I'm right on track.

  13. 2:23 … wifi passwords don't protect what's on your computer, they keep other people from using up your wifi signal, slowing down everything in your house.

    Maybe Seth is the one too old for the internet.

  14. Burns skiing, IKEA, Wool sweaters and vitamins?
    Why don't you just straight up declare war on the Swedes, Seth?
    (liked and subscribed)

  15. "When are we gonna see the story about migrating tree frogs?!"

    Probably around the same time we finally see O' Malley and the Alley Cats preform.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *